somethings were better left alone than said or done.
somethings are better to not see or hear.
many times i fell apart but i shall stand again.
maybe what i am lying about myself now is the right thing to do.
at least, i need not to make myself sad without all the knowledge about you.
cyk
since long long long time ago i last visited this very page where i write what i want to express my feelings as words in alphabets…
somehow, i have lots to say, but don’t know where to begin.
the life in me is very honest and plain. the mask of me is denying what my heart wants to feel, but unable to do so, i can’t help it but sharing my thoughts with my friends.
i guess i am just lonely and can’t lose something which i think i can retake after so many years.
after all these years, these feelings still linger about my mind, sometimes they were dominated by my priorities, but there are times when they dominate over me, and there i am, lying on the bed helplessly waiting for a miracle to happen, or at least a dream to make me happy for a while.
i wonder how i can keep this feeling so strong until now and still be able to take the pain again. maybe i got used to it, or maybe i just don’t give up. i always see a hope or rather a dream, but most of the times, dreams aren’t reality, and will never be.
when i go back to my home, it’s like finding my own loneliness again even if i have friends all over me and me playing games and having fun, but it’s not what i want, i am trying to escape the reality of being down and lifeless… i don’t want to lie to myself anymore, yet i know i have the courage, but it hasn’t been born yet…
Jr
it was that little thing called feeling that did not make me free at all. when i thought i got all over it, that very second hit me with a single memory in my head so i can refresh my memory which i didnt want to but it just kept hitting me back. that night was lonely and miserable, all of a sudden, she was back in my mind and life. her presence still lingers around. can’t i just let bygones be bygones, no i can’t, it’s not an option, it’s me and my feelings.
Jr
yesterday was the most amazing night out with the peeps of david horn:D went to watch spiderman 3 and party til morning hahaha, i got myself drunk for the third time in uk and it was amazing, i danced my way to the groove and i was in heaven, the feeling was great but i don’t want to be an addict hahaha so well, once in a blue moon is quite alright since i have very low tolerance. spidyman 3 was not as good as i expected, the only part that got me interested was the last part when everything was revealed and in the beginning til the middle, it was part boring and something just didnt start off too well. how in the world can the black thingy fall from the sky and hit in spiderman, how can it be so stupidly coincidence, and too much of love, kirsten dunst was quite old looking and well sandman turned out fine i guess, but too plain, sand revolving around him and he turned sandman? well, too short and simple and i think too… not fascinating. venom turned out worst, so coincidently the black cloth went to him, how coincidently done. not a very good story. but however the play was nice, the effects everything was alright. the best part was harry teamed up with parker and the fight was cool. overall i gave it a 6.5 at my best.
waiting for the rise of silver surfer to come. i hope it won’t turn out as simple as spidey 3, a bit disappointing in my view.
going london tmr and packed up all my things:D
manda u fat
Jr
since a long time ago i was being devastated by the gay feeling of love and shit… oh thinking back what i used to think was really so gay hhahaha, anyways, real boys do cry right… it was eventually back then when i had my things and eventually everything just slips off my fingers and i am a new person with a stronger spirit with a more manly self… it’s about this word gay, hahaha i was in the gym back then and then i heard a man doing workouts listening to ‘ as long as you love me’ by backstreets boys, man i was like…. gosh hell this guy is a bit gay don’t you think, and he is being so into the song that he danced a bit to the tune. i was kinda having a nausea. but thinking back when we were still kids and listening to boy bands hahahah those were the good old ‘nothing to think about’ days. but now as we grow older, we change in different ways. i am very happy with the way i am now. trying to set new heights at different levels. being a growing man is just the beginning of the long journey, but well, if you do physics, you will learn nothing is perfect by the heiseinberg’s theory and principle, so i might die tomorrow.
anyways, gonna be back home soon after less than one month now, in one month’s time i will be back in my land where i was born and raised where all my blood and sweat made me came all this way long. sometimes, i think i have many things to tell my junior… saying that his old man has kinda achieved a lot since young not in terms of academic as far as i am concern, but the changes in myself.
Jr
it has been long since i last blogged about my life. well, laptop’s down but good news is that my cousin’s fiances company could give the service to singapore, where my laptop was bought actually, for a lower price than cold UK. phew, hapiness hehehe. without my laptop, i can’t play pro evo 6 properly since psp has a lousier control which makes my palm uncomfortable but well, deal with it hahaha in london for almost one month cyk!
i was working hard these days and decided to take a break so i went to town for a while to look for some games i could buy. i saw this tales of ethernia, which is actually the down sized version of the original ps version of tales of destiny 2. wohooo. though this is a classic 2D game but i very much love it. £12.99 pre owned, i am more than guaranteed to buying it. and there’s a tekken dark ressurection. i wish to sell my bike now for £30 so i can in turn purchase these 2 games for my holidays in london. hehehe i am still a child after all, but i guess these are all adults’ toys.
been going to the gym everyday and never missed one day since the day i came back from london to edinburgh. been trying out different supplements, without them and eating habits and different exercises, i think i have seen a lot of body changes in me. and i am glad i am liking the latest body of mine, which is almost a resemblence of what i used to have before coming to uk. i swear i will never go fat anymore. ughhh. i may not be handsome, but well, fitness increases my confidence hehe. cos i have lotsa eyeing attention put on me in the gym:p i guess sometimes i love to flip my shirt to rub of some water on my lips… is just a purpose action to let my body to be exposed by some new eyes:P:P am i too much ? i guess so but well i am proud of my achievement so far actually. no offence taken:D
studies, been studying in the library which is very effective and i can get away from all the distractions i have at home. library is a powerful place to get your concentration leveled up. well this is what i felt. well, thanks to the laptop damage, or rather, as the sign from God above to let me discover another way of effective learning. i was thinking of not having my laptop back in my second year of chemical engineering and rather borrow the laptop from library so i won’t have much entertainment at home and get to work my ass in the library. it should be okay because my accomodation for the next year is soooo close to the university such that i can see the side hallways when i just look out of my window hahaha. just 30 10 seconds walk across the ‘west mains road’ and i am in the land of university of edinburgh, engineering section.wopppie.
study back:D
Jr
it was a definitely good time for me to almost taking a good rest after all the heavy loads on my shoulder. sigh. reminiscing all the past memories of blood and sweat, i wish i can be paid of worthily. it depends on luck anyway.
less than 3 weeks and i am off to a long vacation. settling down for my new accomodation will be first in my list of vacation chores. go to the gym and eat subway salad every night, playing psp… goddamn my laptop sighhh, renting dvds every night, like a rich kid spending in the beautiful city of old buildings, how i wish i had someone to spend my time with. well there’s someone in the gym… but i guess i shouldn’t fall into any love holes first. need to be sane and let my conscience be high about my priorities.
20th may will be my departure to london, yesssss the best city ever with loads of stuffs to buy. there on, will be purchasing souvenirs for parents and relatives and friends of mine. and then just enjoyyyyyyy the richness of this wonderful holiday, especially in london:D
study study study… tired.
Jr
what will you do if your laptop screen broke and you have two days before exam. hell man, it’s no use to be hectic and angry at the results, stay calm and think, everything will be alright. i did and i guess everything turned out well. the moment i dropped my laptop screen which hit the edge of the heater, ouch, i turned it up and i can see fracture which gave me black and white screens on some regions. without explaning more, it just need to be replaced. at 300 pounds, it’s a no to me. so i decided to think of other solutions which i have already had in mind right after it broke. i will borrow the school’s laptop:D wopiiiieee everything is done. but well i just need to work my ass up everyday and go to the library and get connected so i can download information into this new laptop which is not so crappy actually it’s a samsung hahaha for working purposes, so i can go home and revise. which is working. i get to use the library efficiently now. and i felt that working in the library is actually very efficient than working at home where all the distractions are. i know this is a sign from God above telling me to work harder and i did. the second exam was alright. at first there were many obstacles and then well, remain calm and breathe and yes, i think i did the right thing. i really hope to get an A for this, and also for all the remaining exams. i guess this experience is far worse than the one i had my debit card swallowed by the atm machine. i am proud of myself for such accidents and bad conditions. i have learned many things. most important thing is to remain calm and steady so we can think logic and work things out, which i did. i have grown. there’s no point getting angry which i did at the very first place, i jumped and scolded myself why was i so careless. but i told myself right that moment, exams are 2 days ahead, i need internet to work, but i can’t, so eventually another route came out and everything worked well. i don’t mind it’s hard, because i know, God is giving me a chance here to grow up and learn to be more invulnerable. now i am always working in the library and it just feels like i am using it the right way. the main library is gigantic!!!! but i love the engineering library which is not so big. Thanks God. Bless me in my other exams as well. Amen.
Jr
and i knew i was not thinking of you anymore, but now i thought about you, it doesn’t mean anything, but i just felt this is my time, my very own time to free myself from all the sorrows i have left for myself yesterday. now, i really think i am through all tears and pain, i am glad. i have a future to lead for myself. i am sorry to say, it’s your loss to let me go and now everything is my call, i will never love you again…
end of our story… til’ we meet again.
Jr
and i knew i was not thinking of you anymore, but now i thought about you, it doesn’t mean anything, but i just felt this is my time, my very own time to free myself from all the sorrows i have left for myself yesterday. now, i really think i am through all tears and pain, i am glad. i have a future to lead for myself. i am sorry to say, it’s your loss to let me go and now everything is my call, i will never love you again…
end of our story… til’ we meet again.
Jr
